Well, I watched the network news a few days ago, which is ususual, since they only thing on the network news I generally watch is the weather, which I watch obsessively, and the lead story was about some luggage handlers who stole Paris Hilton's $100,000 wristwatch.

I have three questions regarding this:

First, since these were not luggage handlers at my local airport, why was it on my local news?

Second, why on earth would Paris Hilton pack something so valuable in her suitcase, and not wear it, or carry it on?

Third, and most important, why would any watch cost $100,000, and if it did, why would anyone be foolish enough to to buy it?

Well today is St. Patrick's Day. I pinched my son already, and he is off pinching the animals, who aren't wearing green of course.

My son asked what green beer tasted like, and I wouldn't know because I will never consume anything that color.

We are having eggs for breakfast, but they won't be green. Why you ask?

Why, because we have no ham.

Duh.

Today is a sad day, because today R2D2 died. I know this because the postal service has issued a stamp for him, and the postal service only issues a stamp for people who are dead.

To commemorate the release, the postal service painted three local mailboxes like R2D2 and had them guarded by Storm Troopers.

Nice to know we still have a sense of humor.

Daylight Savings Time

I am so glad that the government is watching out for us, and providing us with an extra hour of daylight. This of course begs the question: just how much will people believe? And yes, I am always amazed by this myself.

Daylight Savings Time is a torture device that is getting more onerous with each passing year, especially since this year it will now be in force for a full eight months. So now we can save so much energy.

Exactly what energy are we saving?

Well, we buy more, we drive more, and we need to turn the lights and heat on in the morning. What energy are we saving?

Well, none of course, we spend more money, and that is the real reason for Daylight “Savings” Time. It should be called Daylight Spending Time, because that’s what the studies indicate; Americans at least, drive more and spend more. So this is a conspiracy to get us to spend more money. Like we don’t spend enough money as it is? We already have the lowest savings rate of any industrialized country, and less than some developing ones. Do we need to spend so much money? Well, that’s apparently all that keeps our economy running: retail therapy.

And one final note: the next time I hear someone crow about how great Daylight Savings Time is by giving us “one extra hour” I think I may slap them. If you want an extra hour, get your lazy bum out of bed earlier.

Because, no matter what delusions of grandeur the government has, it can no more give us an “extra hour” than balance the budget or restore our international credibility.