Harry Potter Day


I went to see the new Harry Potter film today, and I have a brief review:

The casting and performances were superb as always.

The production was impressive.

The adaptation of the novel was good, but it's never good enough. You just cannot capture the spirit of Rowling’s work in a two hour movie.

Luna Lovegood’s portrayal was different than I thought it would be, but quite nice.

Dolores Umbridge was suitably saccharine and evil—just what I like in a villain (or as one of my companions said, “A school administrator”—this is a timely comment that will be understood by anyone who teaches at my school).

I wanted to see more of Sirius’ house, and missed Mrs. Black.

I also missed the portable swamp created by the Wesley twins in the book.

I could have done with more of Bellatrix La Strange’s character and less of her cleavage—a bit too Elvira for my taste.

When Dumbledore (sniff, I still expect to see Richard Harris) and Voldemort fought it out, I thought to myself, “This is a real wizard’s duel.”

And finally, I am beginning to wonder if Voldemort and Michael Jackson go to the same plastic surgeon.

The Title of This Blog Appears at the End

I don’t generally like movies, and the few I do aren’t run of the mill, to say the least. If I would ever finish the list of my favorite movies and post it here, then you would know what I mean. Suffice it to say that my taste runs to the offbeat.

Well, the problem with offbeat films, is that since they aren’t formulaic, it is impossible to decide at what point it is safe to leave to the theater to use the facilities. Now—don’t laugh--I never make it all the way through a film without having to use the restroom. Usually, this isn’t a problem, as with most films I (or anyone for that matter) can figure out exactly what will happen, and even generally when it will happen, in the first five minutes of the film. I can choose to go during one of the many chase scenes if it is an action flick. Or, if it’s a love story, I can choose to go during the part where they fight and decide they’re not right for each other, before they get to the part where they really do love each other after all. Or, it the fight seems as though it will be more entertaining, I can wait until they promise undying love. Easy.

However, if the film is not formulaic; if it doesn’t march along inexorably in all of its banality, it is impossible to know when one can leave.

Today, I saw such a film. You will rarely hear me say that I liked a movie, but I have to admit, that something about Stranger Than Fiction kept me sitting uncomfortably in a freezing theater waiting to see what might actually happen to the off center characters assembled there. So, I guess maybe you should see the movie—but be sure you don’t drink a large cup of tea before heading out the door, and just accept the fact that you will not be able to leave the theater at any point during the film, even if you really need to use the bathroom.

Also, be prepared to make cookies.

Now, for the title: my son suggested the perfect title for this blog: To Pee, or Not to Pee.

My Ten Worst Movies List.

1. The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover
2. Boxing Helena
3. Train Spotting
4. Blue Velvet (yes all you groupies, I hated it)
5. Star Wars III Revenge of the Sith (it’s really number VI, rolls eyes)
6. Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man’s Chest
7. Hot Shots Part Deux
8. Krull
9. Treasure of the Sierra Madre
10. Austin Powers
11. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Yes, there are eleven on the list. I had to make myself stop there. Live with it.

There are many more I couldn’t think of that should be on the list; perhaps I will expand it later.

When discussing this list with a friend, who completely agreed with me about Blue Velvet by the way, we decided that we really need two bad movie lists: one for grotesque movies, and one for the merely banal.

I have seen a lot of bad movies.

Movies

To be fair, I should state right off that I don’t really like movies. I mean some are good, but overall sitting in a dark cinema watching a film is as good as a sleeping pill. I am in fact famous for sleeping through movies.


I have a child. One does things with and for children, that one would never ordinarily do. Going to see the sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean is one such thing. Keep in mind please that I didn’t really like the first movie, with the exception of the boat docking scene (where it sinks—“What boat?”), and the smithy scene (“Pirate.”). In my view, two clever scenes do not a movie make.

Well, if I thought the first movie was bad, nothing could have prepared me for the banality of the second. I had made it through almost two hours, when I finally went out into the lobby. Surely the film was almost over, right? I asked two gentlemen who worked at the movie theater what the run time of the movie was. They smiled, so helpful, and said, “Two hours and forty-five minutes.” I honestly thought they were teasing me, so I said, “You’re kidding?” They said, “No ma’am.”

Another hour? ANOTHER HOUR? I told my husband I was leaving and walked a mile and a half in ninety-degree temperatures to our friends’ house where we were having dinner.

What can I say? I snapped. But at least I escaped some terrifyingly dull pirates.

Oh, and now I have to update my Ten Worst Movies list.